You’re fired.

For months I walked in & out of Credit Suisse at 11 Madison Ave; and every day, I passed by more & more empty cubicles.  Over time, the offices along the perimeter of the floor also began to empty.  The furniture and paintings gradually disappeared and everyone around me knew what was going on, until there was nobody left around me.  I’d be naive to think my turn on the chopping block wasn’t around the corner, but I maintained the lowest profile in the corporate history.  Coming into work before the rest of my team, being on conference calls 10 minutes before anyone else joined, taking the stairs on my way out so nobody would see me leave for the day… I never even decorated the walls of my cube; My desk consisted exclusively of work related-charts, an iPhone charger, and a tray full of plastic forks.  The idea was to just to do my work, keep quiet, hoping they’d forget I even existed.

Every day for the past month, the Occupy Wall Street protest has grown into somewhat of a national phenomenon, and one of the highlights of my day was reading about it in the morning paper while I sat on the subway en-route to work.  I read about young adults taking an actual interest in today’s problems, and actually caring about it enough to leave their homes and sleep on the streets of lower Manhattan.  I read about people getting arrested, processed, then coming right back to continue protesting for socio-economic equality.  While their collective message was mixed, and they had yet to decide realistic solutions, the idea that they had gathered in protest of companies like the one I worked for had me inspired.  I found myself daydreaming about standing alongside them if/when I lost my job.

They fired my friend Jessica 2 months ago because she was brought in to do her boss’s work for her, and she ended up doing it faster & better than her boss could ever do it.  Jessica’s boss, a silver-spoon fed imbecile that was put in a VP position fresh out of college, was so embarrassed that she was forced into a 6-month sabbatical to re-evaluate if she really wanted to continue working (for a job she never had to earn) – she essentially had all the problems the rest of the world wishes they had.  In most situations, Jessica’s performance would merit a promotion, a bonus, or a firm pat on the back.  Unfortunately, investment banks are run like privileged petting-zoos, exclusively for gated-communities of people sitting atop the food chain.  They’re not interested in helping anyone succeed outside of ‘their own’ – because it’d make for awkward conversation that weekend at the country club.  If you’re reading this and you disagree… you have no idea what’s really going on this world, and you should just resume watching MTV.

It saddened me when Jessica left.  She was my only friend at work.  When I saw her packing her things, I followed her out just to give her a hug and wish her luck.  My only bitter reassurance was that I knew I wasn’t too far behind her, and I wouldn’t have to fear losing my job any longer.  Last Friday, I walked into work knowing I was going to get laid-off.   I actually packed the contents of my desk a couple of days prior, took it all home.  I wanted to make ‘getting fired’ as easy as possible, and not look like a moron when I ventured into a local watering-hole immediately thereafter.  When asked if I had any big objects I needed sent home to me, I said “No, just my jacket, headphones, and you’ll be rid of me.”

I don’t have hard feelings toward the person from HR they hired to give me the bad news, I just wish they could have found someone without the herpie-looking mole on her face and an inbred-English accent.  She didn’t offer a reason why I was terminated; just a reminder that I signed a contract saying the company can fire me anytime, for any reason, and they don’t owe me an explanation.  In fact, Credit Suisse had only converted me from being a consultant to a ‘permanent employee’ 5 days prior.  After all the time I spent there, I finally attended orientation for new hires, enrolled in my health benefits, only to get fired 4 days later.  Imagine going out to dinner with your family just a week ago, celebrating the start of something ‘permanent’, only to be sitting at the bar of that same restaurant a week later for the polar-opposite.  The irony of all this makes it hard to take seriously.

It’s partially my own fault for returning to a company that laid me off twice prior and having any faith in a potential career with an investment bank.  In retrospect, why I ever listened to my parents and followed their advice is somewhat bewildering.  My whole life, I’ve been told that my parents know what’s best for me.  Perhaps a generation ago, working in finance would have been considered a prestigious profession, one with a very bright future.  Unfortunately, parents don’t always know what’s best.  The world evolves, but oftentimes, parents’ mindsets remain in the past.

There are thousands of stories out there of people who rebound from situations like these where leaving a career only blossoms into something more fruitful; however, there are hundreds of thousands more of people who downward-spiral into nothingness.  Where I’ll end up in the next few months/years is much of a mystery, but I’ve made a conscious decision not to sit here and feel sorry for myself.  Truthfully, I couldn’t be any happier to close that chapter of my life.  Living with the fear of losing your job every single day is hardly a way to live, and it’s something I thankfully never have to do again.  My career in finance is over – I’m never going back, and I couldn’t be any more excited for what comes next.

My first priorities are to clean my apartment to the point that a guest would feel comfortable eating off the floor.  Clean surfaces encourage productivity, while clutter just keeps people discouraged.  Simultaneously, I want to regain the same physical conditioning I had back when I was boxing.  Beyond that, I’m going to remain inspired, creative, and find a way to pave my own destiny – one that never asks me to put on a tie to come to work.

I started this blog today to document my time for the next few months as I undergo some considerable life changes.  While I’m not certain where I’ll end up, I’m happy to say that today marks a new beginning.